Silence is the language God speaks.
And everything else
is a bad translation.

~Thomas Keating~

I've had a fair few conversations with people over the last week that have had me thinking  (shock horror). There are two things that I've not been able to get out of my head. I've had an impression since I was younger...much younger as in befor my sixteenth birthday that I would end up in Asia when I was older. I don't know in what capacity but since my mid teens the feeling has never gone away. I was there this Summer in a country I never imagined I would ever travel to, doing something that I'd never thought about until three months befor I was in the country. I was in Nepal teaching monks for four weeks and I had an amazing time, I grew so much and learnt so much about myself, I'm glad I went through with it. I still have the feeling that I'm meant to do something in Asia and I don't know what. One of my options for after university is Teaching in Thailand for a year. It sounds like another form of escapism just avoiding getting on with life, but it's anything but. If I did go I'd be teaching daily, in a foreign country, without my usual support system. It would also be a trial for me to see if I could handle being an actual teacher, I know that teaching in English schools would be nothing like teaching in Asia but I would be doing much of the same things; lesson plans, marking blah blah blah. If I decided it was the right thing for me to do in England it would only strengthen my application for  pgce. There is also the fact that I feel like I've been in Education forever, Teaching in Thailand wouldn't be a complete cut from that but it would be something different which is what I think I need. If I got a job and planned on doing a pgce later there is a strong chance that I wouldn't do a pgce because I'd become to used to working the 9-5.

I've spoken with some dear friends about my thoughts and as much as I tried to sell the prospect of doing a pgce, they've all told me that out of my options, going to Thailand is the one that sounds most like what I should be doing. I spoke to one friend about it ... her suggestion was that maybe I was going to end up serving a mission in the East... in which case I'm a little prepared and it wouldn't be the huge culture shock that I experienced when I first landed in Nepal. We decided I'd either end up serving somewhere in Asia or in London South  Mandarin Speaking....I'm thinking the latter but that's  fair few years away.

On top of me having my near and dear telling me to jet off to Thailand for a year I was asked what I thought about a quote which I cannot remember word for word, but it's main jist was that we should not become too hung up on trying to blaze our own trail and instead deal with the challenges that life throws at us as and when they occur! One of my favourite quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson goes as follows

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."

 Needless to say I've been thinking bout the two seeing if there is any way that they can work together. The Emerson quote I've always taken more as a not to be afraid of the unknown, the classic just because it is doesn't mean it's right. Sometimes change is needed even if it's only you who thinks so. The thought of trail blazing to me sounds tiring and anyhow if you're constantly trying to blaze your own trail eventually you'll burn out. My feelings about the East isn't me trail blazing.... I don't think. I'm following a prompting that I've had with me for the last five or more years. It's a prompting that I need to satisfy as otherwise I'll never be able to settle in one place.

Just because something's uncomfortable doesn't mean it's wrong. And just because you have your doubts about what you're doing, or you don't trust yourself 100 percent, that's normal. There's this illusion that people who do stuff are totally confident, and I've never been. I've been riddled with doubt through the whole thing. You know, with a few flashes of maybe, maybe this will be great.

- Miranda July