Archive for April 2011

Hither and Thither

Again this blog was abandoned while I had exams but that will be the last time that they were the last set of exams I'll take for this degree! That's it! After three years of studying, deadlines and breakdowns in the library I have finished my degree.  The first thing that I purchased upon completion of my degree.... a political theory book!

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I might just be applying for the job of my dreams!

I went to to the Princes trust website to apply for a grant so I could start my own business!(long story) but I thought I'd click on vacancies and there it was!!! I now have an 11 page application pack to fill in before the end of the day! STRESSSSS!!!

prayers, bribes and cake are all welcome!


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I'm sorry

I have changed and I think to a degree for the worse!

Elements of my character that I was so happy to have held on to, and had not been tainted by modern society have slowly and subtly been worn away by others and their cynicism

I've been a bad friend of late. I've been wrapped up in small menial things and I haven't been there for the people who mean the most to me!

Slapped wrist...all is back to normal!

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Same Old

Ok so even after multiple personal resolves to improve my writing on my blog and also in my journal yet again I am my own victim of my personal challenges. It makes me wonder why I am always so adamant about setting my self personal challenges when I keep in mind my awful record of actually sticking to them!? I’m pretty sure that somewhere in a half completed journal somewhere there is no doubt a list and a date of challenges that I had recently undertaken. I say this because I can remember writing such a list while in a dizzy haze of self belief…oh the folly of my youth…I say that as if it was five years ago and I was still in school…oh how I wish! The truth is that this list was most likely written but six months ago. This sad realisation makes me want to curl up with the closest form of chocolate under an oversized duvet with something bread based….maybe a pizza….definitely a pizza…with all the cheese (I’m not sure if it’s the bread or the cheeses that I’m craving more while I wallow in pity!? life is quite a depressing state of affairs when it’s all written down)

I’m currently on a train heading to my Dads for the next week ….me and my amazing planning skills managed to overlook the fact that this trip includes mothers day 2011 and I am actually leaving my mom alone for this holiday that celebrates motherhood…..I’m an idiot!

ANYHOW!!! Less of the dull non events of my present existence…..(today has been ridiculous for many reasons all too boring to warrant documenting here) instead, the true reason why I am breaking my silence of electronic drivel is due to an epiphany ….ok maybe epiphany is a bit extreme as it was not a sudden realisation but more a gradual realisation over a week…or two…maybe even three (I’m pretty slow on the uptake)

I know that I quite often rabbit on about my friends and how much…(I’m on the phone to Libs helping her choose between a sherbet fountain and a dib dab![always happy to help]) they mean to me but it was only over the past few weeks I had truly come to understand how much they actually meant to me. Three years at university studying and living with people who in hindsight I hardly knew were three amazing years; as they drew to a close I started to realise how much I was going to miss them and delayed moving to Birmingham for another two months with excuse after excuse. I moved back to Birmingham….only to move out again two weeks later for 6 months into the most amazing cottage ever. It could have been the biggest mistake ever, Hannah and Libs had only met once or twice before we moved in and looking back on it I didn’t know Hannah all that well either….and I’d been friends with Libs for just under a year… sounds crazy ….if anyone else told me they were doing what we did I’d think they were insane. For the first few months we didn’t have a weekend alone; EVERY WEEKEND we had someone staying or we were somewhere else our weird gypsy family started to take shape; people from all over the country on occasion spending a few days in the cottage of love. As the cottage came to a close we managed to look back on our six months there and really appreciate it. I finally bit the bullet and moved home.

Being home now for a month-ish I can truly appreciate how much having friends around has really helped me over the past few years. There are certain things that aren’t for the blog……. And they’re kept in my journal (it’s a fine line) but I honestly don’t know where I’d have ended up if it wasn’t for a select few people in my life. It seems crazy as now I don’t even know where I’d be without them. I might live an hour and a half train ride from some, or an 11 hour flight from some, I may have known them for 6 months or for 11 years but those friendships are priceless.

The past weekend I was spending some time with some new friends….. oh my goodness…all I ended up doing was wishing that I was at home or just anywhere other than where I was. It sounds bad but that weekend I cam to truly appreciate the friendships I have with the people who I can whole heartedly call my friends. They’re honest to the point of brutality, opinionated, stubborn, confident but not arrogant, ‘quirky’, slightly out there and in the nicest way they don’t really care what you think about them. These are the people I choose to have around me and these are the people that I miss seeing on a daily or weekly basis. Some things deserve to be documented and if no one else is going to do it I guess then I should take it upon myself.

High Wycombe is a social abyss so even though this is quite obviously yet another resolve to write more……there wont be anything for about a week!!

I say that but who knows what this week will bring!

Who knows what the future will bring as a whole but I know that with friends like mine I’ll be fine!

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"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing it's best night and day to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle any human being can fight and never stop fighting"

- e. e. Cummings
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