Hear her voice as it's rolling and ringing through me

Despite what the calendar may tell you it is definately Winter right now which upsets me somewhat. The trees are bare and all of the red and orange leaves that covered them up till last week are now rotting on the floor. In the morning I peer out of my bedroom window watching as people scrape the ice off their cars and I am glad that I do not drive. I then remind myself that their iced over car has heating unlike my walk to uni where I will freeze to the point that my ears ache [which is my least favourite feeling ever!] I also have not found a pair of boots that I like yet meaning that I never have full feeling in my feet. [this is my second least favourite feeling ever!]

Today I am listening to Neutral Milk Hotel and Apples in Stereo! Today is a good day. I am reading about torture....I guess today could be better! I danced in the library for at least 20 minutes with Lisa and Dan looking at me like I was a fool but today I didn't care! I'm bored with workshop logs and essays and the rest of it! After laughing at me dancing Dan is now playing the air drums with the same amount of vigour as animal from the muppets! Welcome to John Rylands!

I realised today that I over think things... when I say things I mean everything! I'm going to stop, I think alot and don't really talk all that much but sometimes I just have nothing to say. Ask me a question face to face and I'll probably find one hundred things to look at befor I make eye contact again just to say "I don't know" with a flippant shrug of the shoulders. Ask me the same question by email or in a letter and I'll write reams for you. I think this is due to the detatchment of the situation. When someone is there you can see their reaction and you know when they're bored of what you're saying, or if they don't understand what you're saying or my favourite, when they were just trying to make polite conversation! In an email or letter they can choose when they stop reading or, but most likely not if they actually care about what you said, and dont understand, they can just ask you to explain the point. I think the art or writing has been lost somewhat and this upsets me. I miss writting long letters to my friends whose house I could walk to. There was no reason for these letters, everything in them could have just been said face to face but I enjoyed recieving post and so did she. I still hve these letters in a box at home andsometimes I like to read over them and laugh at how we were caught up in everything.

My aim this week: to make more small talk

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"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing it's best night and day to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle any human being can fight and never stop fighting"

- e. e. Cummings
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